ISPO 2011

On Thursday, 3^rd November, I had the pleasure of attending the 2011 Annual Scientific Meeting of ISPO (International Society for Prosthetics and Orthotics) Australia. This year’s theme was the Psychosocial Impact of Disability and Limb Loss. The article I've posted here will be published in the upcoming Summer edition of the Amputee Journal.

To kick proceedings off, there was a brief address from 13 year old Jake Widjaya, who, like myself, was born with limb difference. He started campaigning for limb difference awareness at age 9 and released a DVD called my special hand that focuses both on his childhood experiences as well as advise for parents and peers of children experiencing limb difference. As someone who has shared in Jake’s experiences, I think his courage is remarkable and I’m both extremely proud of him as well as grateful for his accomplishments in generating awareness and of his chosen direction and attitude.

Then it was over to Pamela Gallagher for her keynote address. Pamela travelled all the way from Dublin Ireland to share with us her insight into the world of the Psychosocial Impact of Disability and Limb Loss – right after talking to us about the rugby! Pam’s address focused on the issues we experience as amputees, especially our psychological wellbeing, body image and goal engagement, and how the clinicians who care for us can do a better job by understanding what the issues are and how to better respond to them. The study she is involved with is centred around improving our quality of life and breeding resilience and positive outcomes. She presented us with some alarming statistics – her studies indicate that between 20 and 40% of amputees have indicators for depression. She then outlined the complex challenges an amputee faces and which impact our adjustment. The most positive and profound insights Pam shared with us were about self worth and acceptance. Our self worth, not just as amputees but as human beings, is established by overcoming the challenges that life presents us. This is how we achieve psychological growth. Days come and days go, regardless of whether they are “good” or “bad” and resilience is the ability to forge ahead with that very fact in mind. She asked if acceptance was always appropriate... It isn’t! There are situations in which we are entitled to be angry. There are situations in which anger will spark action and this action will result in a positive outcome. Just look back at how segregation came to an end, how women won the right to vote, etc. We don’t have to accept disability as a sentence to misery or a limited life. It is what we choose to make it.

Pam talked about the importance of goals and how necessary they are to enable us to experience purpose, fulfilment and ultimately happiness. I was interested to learn of two different variations of goal setting – one being Tenacious Goal Pursuit, where we modify our own behaviour and lifestyle to fit our goals, and the other being Flexible Goal Adjustment, where we adjust our goals to suit the situation. Both methods were shown to reduce depressive symptoms and improve perceived quality of life.. It beckons the question: What are you working towards??

After morning tea, it was over to Sydney based Psychologist Chris Basten to talk to us about Responding to the Emotional Needs of Amputees. His focus was on how occupational therapists, physios and other therapists including psychologists and psychiatrists can best assist amputees cope with the task of adaptation. He talked about the emotional problems commonly experienced by amputees, such as depression, anxiety and PTSD, and ways to both identify and address these issues. He explained the importance of a positive attitude, optimism and accepting responsibility for ensuring your own positive outcome – as well as accepting that it’s perfectly OK to need help to do so and reach out to your support network, which could be friends and family, a psychologist, or the Amputee Association’s peer support network. He talked about how important it is for amputees to focus on your strengths and find ways to increase your confidence, as well as the tremendously important role of goal setting and achievement in leading fulfilling and rewarding lives. I can definitely vouch for that being true!

Right after Chris, I was delighted to hear the findings of the lovely Sarah Eskandari’s PHD, which examines Body Image as an Important Factor for Adjustment to Amputation. Sarah’s study surveyed 218 amputees and supported an alarming statistic: that while 5-8% of the general population experience depression, the condition affects between 20-30% of amputees. Those who viewed their bodies negatively subsequent to amputation reported more symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as a poorer perceived quality of life.

We then heard from Andrew Steele of Body Care Solutions (Melbourne), who outlined to us a case study in which elective amputation resulted in exceptionally positive outcomes. The goal of his message was to prompt the medical faculty to consider amputation as a valid treatment option which is not limited to negative psychosocial impacts. Weighing up the pros and cons of amputation versus reconstruction was enlightening.

Lastly, Carla Negri from Ossur Asia-Pacific (Sydney) presented a review of the Psychological Benefits Associated with Physical Activity for Persons with Lower Limb Amputation. Like Sarah’s presentation, the topic discussed by Carla was of special interest to me as an athlete and personal trainer focussed on wellness. My favourite article that Carla brought to our attention focused on investigating the relationship between participation in physical activity and body image in 56 lower limb amputees. The study highlighted a significant difference between the inactive group and the active group (who participated in a minimum of 2 hours aerobic activity weekly, in sessions no shorter than 20 minutes) and a positive relationship between physical activity level and body image – it’s another good reason for us all to get out there and get moving! In a 1985 study, Valliant et al. Found that physical activity for the disabled population can be an incentive to reshape their lives in a positive directions. Our focus needs not to be returning to our previous activity level: it should be achieving a healthy activity level and a balanced lifestyle, that accommodates our physical condition, whatever it may be. There’s ALWAYS a way to work up a sweat – and improved proprioception, confidence and coordination are just a few of the reasons we should want to.

I loved sitting in on the ISPO conference and wish I could have been at the symposium the day before. There is always next year though! It was such a valuable experience, which I hope I have been able to pass on and share with you in some small way J

I do the hard thing.

There is so much going on I'm not sure where to start!

I've been sore. Not just a little bit. I ACHED.  I touched my coach's wheel on Sunday and threw myself down the road. Riding a wheel is scary. Touching a wheel is bad. I know that for a fact now! It's mostly road rash, apart from a black pinky finger - which has now returned to its normal colour. I elevated and iced, then after teaching Monday morning I sat in the steam room for a bit before using some hot/cold therapy in the shower. My neck was out and my abs hurt pretty bad, too. Battered, bruised and SO EMOTIONAL. The whingy tearfulness and inability to concentrate with all the post-trauma toxins in my body was YUCKY. Luckily, the worst of it had passed by Tuesday and Wednesday I was feeling like a scraped up and scabby version of my old self again.

Last week was EPIC! While you were all enjoying your public holiday, I was at the first EVER Youth Speaker Inc, hosted by the INCREDIBLE Sam Cawthorn. I was surrounded by 9 other amazing thought leaders and youth speakers for 8 hours in a room that absolutely BUZZED with energy. It was INSANE and just tremendously valuable.

The rest of the week? It looked like this: Train clients, train me, teach spin, early starts, focus on eating right, try to get enough sleep, be organised, forget nothing, be on time, ADD MAXIMUM VALUE, ALWAYS.

Last Thursday was a stand-out. Just one of the most incredible days I've had in, well, AGES. I went out to cover a spin class at FF North Ryde and it was amazing. The connection I shared with every single person I came into contact with that morning was pure magic. Fantastic conversations with incredible people and an incredible workout to boot. What more could you want? It doesn't end there, though. After a quick chai tea pit stop, I was off to The Northcott Centre in Parramatta to meet with David Rothwell from the Amputee Association about our pet project, his idea, but I'm taking it, growing it and running with it just as far as these little legs will carry me. It might take 2 years, but it is coming: Accessible Wellness Centres Australia will be the first "gyms" designed specifically to service the mobility impaired, building functionality, body confidence and self esteem to improve their quality of life. The focus is on integration and inclusion: the end goal is to have confident, balanced people in active lifestyles and good mental AND physical health. Whilst in it's infancy, this is SO EXCITING for me and I am extremely passionate about seeing this through. Whatever it takes.

Saturday morning I had a great metabolic strength training session with Hilly before teaching spin over at Five Dock: the SSS and a great way to power into the weekend chores and endless to do lists! I then had the pleasure of having a follow up meeting with Sam over yummy chai tea in Balmain. We discussed some great topics and I'm looking forward to sharing some of that with you in my first video blog. There's a lot for me to do before I transition full time into my company and away from PT in Fitness First, and I'm feeling quite overwhelmed trying to juggle everything.

All I can do is breathe as I ride these tumultuous waves: I know it's OK to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know it's OK to struggle. I choose to do the hard thing. It has the greatest rewards.

Week 3: Success!

So weigh-in day landed and I lost 700g! Yeeha! It's not a huge loss, but if I can maintain and sustain that rate - which I surely can - I'll have lost over 5 kgs in just 8 weeks time. That WILL be AMAZING! Just the sheer thought of how great it will feel is enough to get me going.

I'm really proud of this loss because of the sheer bloody mindedness and determination that has gone into it. There's so much planning and preparation going in to ensuring a result. I had 2 food events this week, with wine, and I made sure I pushed through some gruelling 2 hour sessions on the day and the day after these to earn the right AND to stay on track.

The first was the Fitness First New You Awards dinner on Friday. I was invited this year as, when I was a finalist last year, I was unable to attend. Trekking in Nepal is a pretty good excuse I reckon! It was such a great night, incredible stories, amazing and inspiring people all around the room - with a cast of fitness professionals I was just so proud to be counted among.

It has been a great week. Last Tuesday I gave a talk called "A Being of Balance" for LuluLemon. It was a new experience for me, to speak in this environment, seated on a yoga mat, sharing so intimately with a small room of people, amongst whom I recognised the faces of friends. I'll be presenting a similarly titled but much more detailed workshop version of the talk to Mission Australia tomorrow, part of my role in Fit For Good. My ambassador profile is live now! How special is that?!

I've had another couple of great successes in the past week - I now ride successfully in cleats outdoors. Had my first long session in them yesterday and felt really good. Had to celebrate last night with 2 good friends and a delicious meal :)

There are some amazing things coming up in my calendar... Youth Speaker Inc with Sam Cawthorn on Monday, the St Greg's Annual Sporting Gala on the 14th - a black tie event, and I'll likely be dressed by Paddington designer Sylvia Chan... and lots of training and hard work to put in, in the meantime!

The best bit is, I have Eddie by my side, sharing it all with me, and I'm loving every second :)

Weigh In Day: Reality Bites.

I've been training hard and following the meal plan, the changes have been big... but just not big enough to register any movement at all on the scales.

I'm healthy and my body is obviously very happy where it is. It is clearly going to take a much more concentrated effort to get those scales to move. I was vigilent and diligent, but I wasn't hyper-vigilant and I think that's really what's required here. There were a few sneaky cold ones on the weekend in addition to my treat meal and whilst my meals and food choices were on track - I also snuck little bits of Ed's food on more occasions than I should have. The result? Maintenance.

So I can see areas for improvement. No having a little taste of Eddie's muesli, sustagen or baked potato. It all adds up.  I have 2 food events in the following week though, one of which is the evening before weigh in day! In order to combat these, I am setting myself guidelines and limits, as well as arranging good training around them. I am, however, terrified of derailment. My strategy for next week of the challenge is to write more things down, be very strict on the numbers - the 3 meals a day are planned for me, but I need my snacks to be planned as well - they are already, but I haven't done the math. 1200 has to be the magic number.

I'm so disappointed, regardless of being able to see where I fell down. I'm often hungry, and I'm actually training above and beyond the recommendations of the plan. Yesterday and especially today, my energy levels are quite low, leaving me feeling a little flat and despondent.

This will pass. I will make this change. I have the evidence of where I am, the analysis of why I'm still here and the commitment to move past it. In a way, it's the kick in the pants I needed. Here goes.

Healthy Habits: The Desk Drawer

Last week, we had a look at some of the healthy things you can stack your fridges with so that healthy food is always accessible.

Really, it's not very far to go. Your desk, to the fridge, return. This makes life seriously easy for you. Sometimes, however, crisis hits. We get STOPPED, stuck, literally glued to our desks, unable to leave. A long conference call or major client outage or sudden threat of serious legal action can all be very powerful motivators to skip lunch and try really hard not to need to pee!

So when you can't move, but your tummy is a-grumblin', what is there to do?

Well, there are a few solutions I can share with you right now!

Some answers come in little tins. Now, fresh is ALWAYS best, but we're talking about what we eat in desperate need instead of running to the vending machine or simply going hungry. These are relatively healthy foods in convenient little packages.

First is the little tin of tuna. Coles Italian Style tuna is very tasty and only 59 calories per serve. You get all the benefits of increasing your intake of fish for very few calories and it won't ruin your appetite. Be very label aware when selecting your tuna. Some flavours are up to 200 calories in one tiny tin! Safcol salmon sachets (lemon and dill - 160cal) are another another delish fishy solution. If you're on the hungrier side of the snack attack, have either of these with 2 wholegrain crackers, like Vitaweet 9 grains. I don't advocate going for grains, especially the processed kind, as your first option, but again, we're looking at healthy crisis outcomes.

Next we have BEANS! Edgell have us taken care of here, releasing 4 packs of mini tins in great flavour combinations. Everything from 4 bean mix to chickpeas and corn - these are about 100 calories per serve and just AMAZING for you. Beans are incredible. A great source of fiber, vitamin B, folate and cheap as chips! I'm not going to keep ranting about beans, but you should head to this link for more information on why to ramp up your bean intake. You won't regret it :)

Nuts are another go-to-guy in case of emergency and should be an occasional inclusion in every healthy diet. Each different nut has different health benefits, but you're looking at heart healthy fats across the board and, like beans, limited insulin response. Don't go nuts with the nuts though, they pack a calorie punch. That said, you're better off eating them now and then that you are not eating them :) Lucky brand make a little six pack of boxed natural mixed nuts, meaning they come to you portion controlled and you get a little bit of goodness from across the nutty families.

Do you have any other desk drawer favourites? What are your best convenient food selections?

12 Weeks A-Whacko!

 I have grand plans for 2012. Mighty grand plans. To give my lofty goals my very best, I want to feel my ABSOLUTE BEST going in. I want more body confidence!

I believe in my industry, I believe in my job and I LOVE being a part of something bigger. So, I signed up for Michelle Bridges' 12 Week Body Transformation.

I devote so much of my energy and my time to motivating others, I need it too!! So I'm turning to Michelle to share her passion and energy with me as I do with my clients. At the same time, I'm part of a great network and community all fighting to achieve great things, putting in the hard work required to find that success.

I know how to eat well, I have my tried and tested combinations, but I'm in the mood to learn, grow and try new things. Maybe someone else's recipe for success could be coupled with mine to make for EPIC WIN! It has certainly cured my boredom - the recipes look delicious and I spent this weekend cooking and preparing DIFFERENT foods, so there's nothing to do except reheat and eat this week - maybe boil a little wholemeal organic pasta and make some toast. It's easy for Eddie, too - he just adds some potato and meat (like grilled chicken or sausages) to what I've made. Everyone is winning!

I've been craving more routine life, structure and organisation. This challenge, like my training and my goals, requires dedication, persistence and perseverance. My favourite muscles to flex! Just like I tell my clients, consistency is key and while there will be setbacks - they WILL be overcome. Being organised is a great place to start. When you already have a plan, its easier to implement a workaround.


It started on Monday and ends on December 4. The best xmas present is the one I'm giving myself - HAPPINESS! I'll be doing my own training, specific to my sport, but I'll definitely be participating in the fitness tests, measuring up and getting involved in other events. We are people on a mission. That's the energy I love the most!


Xx DZil 

Healthy Habits: Fridge Favourites

I did work in an office, once upon a time, and I used to eat healthy even back then! Much of my diet was the same, despite the fact that it is now organic and higher in good quality fat (and much lower in tinned food). There are staples that you will always find in my fridge at home and these can always be stored in your office fridge at work. We want to avoid the temptation to buy things from the cafe of the vending machine. One trip to the local supermarket near your office means you have a well stocked work fridge at MUCH lower cost and it's all healthy!

Coles sells bags of organic carrots and apples. I go through one of each every week. I make my own hummus from organic chickpeas, lemons, garlic and tahini - but coles also sells a light hummus, tzatziki AND a fabulous beetroot and mint dip that you can put with your carrot or chosen nibbling vegetable. Tomato salsa is another excellent dipping choice, as is cottage cheese if you eat stuff that comes from cows.

There is ALWAYS natural sheeps milk yoghurt in my fridge. I use it as the base for my own dips, I put 100g with a sliced up apple or pear or with any kind of berry as a snack, and I put it over my soaked rolled oats for breakfast. Any natural yoghurt is great to have in the fridge to put with fruit at any time of day. Combining your fruit with the yoghurt gives you a little bit of fat and protein to slow both the digestion of the fruit and the blood sugar response to the fruit sugars.

I spoke about keeping a stash of boiled eggs last week - but you of the meat eating persuasion could keep lean, low fat turkey or ham slices in the fridge to snack on as well.

I hope you've enjoyed this week's installment of healthy habits! Do you have any other fridge favourites?

Next week, we'll put some nutrition into your desk drawer :)

Tell me what you're thinking people! I want to know if you're out there..

Healthy Habits: Portable Food

I'm travelling around all the time and I always carry my own food. I can't trust that wherever I'll be there will be healthy food options available, so I take the time to make sure my nutritional requirements are taken care of properly, as part of my every day preparation.

Fruit and veg are great on the run, as is a little container filled with a handful of almonds. I usually carry an apple and a carrot. In addition, I'll carry eggs in one of 2 forms: hard-boiled or a frittata.

Hard boiling is easy. There's very little mess and very little fuss. Pop them in a saucepan with enough water to cover, boil them for at least 5 minutes and then rinse them under cold water and peel them immediately. It's really easy to peel them if you transfer them from hot to cold straight away - it's very difficult if you wait until later. I eat 2 a day and have always had low cholesterol. Eating eggs is fine. Eating deep fried stuff and trans fats - THAT is bad for the ticker.

One of my favourite frittata combinations is goats cheese and grated zucchini with oregano and chives. You could use baby spinach and cherry tomato or even parmesan and olive with whatever herbs you fancy. It's pretty easy, too! Grate a large zucchini, measure out 40g goats cheese and whisk up 8 eggs in a bowl. Heat a medium frypan over a medium heat - use a little olive oil if you need to, nothing sticks to mine, I'm lucky. I like to mix the zucchini and herbs through the egg mixture with salt and pepper but there are different theories on this being right or wrong... I put that in the frypan and crumble the goats cheese over it. Once the edges start to cook, I lower the heat a little and warm my grill. Once it's just about done, just a little gooey on top, I pop it under the grill to finish it off - until it's beautiful and golden. I then slice it into 4 serves and put each into a container, ready to go in my bag when I head out the door.

I also carry an emergency tin of Coles Italian style tuna and never leave home without a spoon and a fork... Though I'll admit my travel cutlery is plastic.

Do YOU have any good tips on portable healthy eats to avoid getting caught out with the munchies when you're on the go?

One Body, One Life

So I recently had minor surgery for a soft tissue injury I got cycling. This procedure meant 3 weeks off the bike. In my down time, I decided to do lots of walking, upper body strength training and yoga. These pursuits have lead to me injuring my knee! There's a knock on effect in action here, as well.

I saw the physio and had my knee taped... The day before I was scheduled to have my first ever spray tan! There went that plan.. Also my training plans are out the window. Yesterday, my last stitch finally dissolved - I could be back on the bike! But alas no. I'm nursing an injury. It ruins plans, it's a bit frustrating and it's pretty damned painful, too: life, however, continues a pace.

I'm fortunate enough, however, to be sponsored by Elevate Performance and The Magical Kate of physio fame has made it possible, with her tan-preventing tape, for me to walk without either vomiting OR crying in pain, which made Thursday a much better day than Wednesday.

My life is exciting - I also had my car detailed AND managed to visit all Sydney based family members! OK that was sarcasm, but I did gift the talking Woody that Eddie found in the park to little SQuAngus and he loves him lots. Poor Bel has the nastiest eye infection I ever saw :*(

In ACTUAL exciting news, I have the finalised carbon fibre socket on my prosthesis! YEEHA! Can't wait to test this baby out..

I want to take a moment to shout out a HUGE congratulations to Caitlin on this week's FANTASTIC weight loss effort and to Lizbot for more training, more loss AND pushups on her toes. Also to Laura, for being the toughest chick ever to smash out 3 huge sets of gladiator/push-up/mountain climbers. YOU GO GIRLS!

Common Ground

On Tuesday night I had the amazing opportunity to attend an evening with Rosanne Haggerty, as the Ambassador for Fit For Good. I went along with founder, Lisa Champion, and board director, Justin Tamsett, to hear Rosanne speak about Common Ground.

What am I the Ambassador for, exactly? Well, in about 6 weeks time, The Camperdown Project will go LIVE! This is an incredible initiative, the first of its kind here in Sydney and the ethos is FANTASTIC. In addition to the wide and varied array of services that will be offered to the residents and community, there will be a pop-up gym - complete with spin bikes! - for the first 6 months. I will be heavily involved in coordinating the programs and initiatives operating in this gym and am VERY EXCITED to get started!

It was an honour to be involved with the evening and see the beautifully elocuted Minister for Community Services, Pru Goward, speak before Rosanne and also to hear Mission Housing present the stories of the people whose lives had been transformed by similar sustainable, affordable housing initiatives.

I am so thrilled to be able to be involved in this transformation! I love doing my bit to benefit the wider community. It is just so deeply rewarding. Smiling - inside AND out.

Maintaining Motivation

Last time I spoke at Mission Australia, the audience asked that I send them through my top tips for maintaining motivation. I think that's a great thing to share on my blog, so here they are!


My Top 15 Tips to Keep you Motivated:

1. Keep checking that your goals are specific and achievable.
2. Break your goal into pieces with a timeline as your road map to success.
3. Make a lists of the tasks you need to achieve each day and set reasonable time frames.
4. Keep your daily list short and plan well in advance.
5. Take stock of the tasks you do achieve each day and be proud.
6. You are your best friend, so positive thinking and encouragement are key.
7. Visualise: see yourself achieving your goal and your rewards frequently; e.g. see yourself graduating, working your new job, living in your new home, playing with your children.
8. Use visual aids like goal boards and written reminders hung in obvious places.
9. Check your progress regularly, congratulate yourself on your wins and work around set-backs.
10. Tenacity and perseverance are CRUCIAL. You must be persistent, stubborn and selfish about what you want to achieve: don't EVER give up.
11. Seek help quickly when you have questions or when problems occur: take action and don't procrastinate. Just keep moving!
12. Nothing worth having in life comes easy or cheap, so be willing to struggle sometimes. It’s what makes you tougher and builds your character!
13. Do what you love and love what you do (learn and work!), life is too short to feel negative emotions when we can choose happiness. Be involved and be active!
14. The more you talk about your studies and share it with your friends, partner, colleagues, the better your network becomes and the stronger your connection to your goals grows.
15. Use journaling to analyse problem situations and face your dragons to break negative cycles.

I'm back over at Mission next Tuesday to talk about the importance of our relationships.

I'm also in for a minor operation tomorrow which means that I won't be able to teach spin or do any cycling for 3 weeks. I'm planning on doing lots of walking, yoga, writing and even a few dance classes. I've been feeling like life has gotten control of ME instead of vice versa lately, so I'm hoping this little break gives me the opportunity to take it by the horns.

Showing A Little Gratitude

It has been quite a while since I've written one of these. I'm going through a bit of a troubled patch, with my confidence taking numerous and significant blows in multiple domains. Chaos seems to be swarming about me and I long to find quiet and calm.

What better way, when feeling tested, troubled and blue, to reconnect with happiness and joy than to write a list of things for which I am thankful? More people than things though...

• I have a cat who loves me and keeps my lap warm. She runs to greet me every time I walk through the door. She always wants my attention, pats are her favourite thing and she has affection on tap, ready for me to call on anytime.
• Eddie is much the same *giggle*. He thinks I'm amazing and is always helping to keep my spirit strong with his kind words and affection. I get amplitudes of cuddles, massages and help. He would move hell for me. He regularly goes above and beyond and he does it without complaint or hesitation <3
• I have a cute little apartment to house me and keep me safe and warm. Everything here is working. I am never hungry, I have good food, I cook like a little Martha Stewart and there's fresh, clean drinking water on tap. The air is fairly clean, the weather not too extreme and I live in the most beautiful city in the world. I run by the beach and cycle in the park. 
• The support network I have close at hand is strong. In times of crisis, I have the resources to find suitable solutions quickly. My car is out of action, but I have Eddie to drop everything and arrange his family car as mine in the interim. I have amazing friends like Mick to drop me home from the scene of the accident, and Chandler who changed plans to pick me up from home, as well as Meaveen so we could run as we had planned. I have the love of my family.
• I have clients with beautiful spirits who train with me because they believe in me, as I do in them.
• I have friends in places I don't even know who reach into their pockets to make my dreams come true (money for my bike). 
• I have an incredible coach who is devoting his time and energy to making a rider out of me and managing Debzillah The Handful. 
• I have the support and backing of TADNSW and Clarence St Cyclery, Bill Webster and Geoff Rimmer.
• I am able to reach out and help people who need it, through Fitforgood at Mission Australia and at East Sydney High. I have the opportunity to be the catalyst for positive change not just as a speaker and volunteer, but as a PT, a Spin Instructor and as an every day Australian.
• I have a bike to ride and the rage to master. Everything is as it should be.

Good Food and Wine 2011

Hello Again!

I'm only 2 days late. I'm not sure anyone is reading, anyway.

Here's the story about Eddie and Deb's adventure to the Good Food and Wine Show on Saturday, July 3rd.

We arrived at about 2pm and it was THROBBING. People everywhere and many of them had trolleys! We had to grow accustomed to being run into, run over AND elbowed. We managed!

I spied an interesting stand not long after entering, a selection of jams and pickles by Anathoth NZ. After tasting a wide variety, I decided on the tomato relish and farmstyle pickle as both rank high in tastiness. Unfortunately, both also rank very very high in sugar. I suspect as high as the jams. Nevertheless, occasionally, treats are OK. I'll refer back to this statement frequently :)

Eddie was hungry so we had to find the mini burger stall for him to sample their wares. Once we had roamed and filled our bellies with a free selection of tasty treats, Eddie was next to flex his spending muscle. Below is what he purchased - the KLEVA Sharp, which came with a free grater!

 

Ed has been gone for days on his knife sharpening frenzy, but I'm sure he'll come home soon.

We wandered through the whitegood pornography supplied by Fisher and Paykell as well as its budget range by Haier. We were excited to see one of our favourite wines EVER, the Pinot Noir by ARA, on display - we stayed well away from all things wine though, it IS Dry July after all! We sampled many delicious smoothie cube flavours by Creative Gourmet, black pudding and potato bread by The Irish Butcher and the full range of Gü's puds and naughties (lime pies OMG). 

We don't normally like Gloria Jeans, but we did on Saturday. They did some awesome treats! They had these caramel filled wafers that melted into your free tiny coffee and were delicious. They also had free carrot cake AND lamingtons. We were spoiled... by the power of hillsong! We figure its OK cos we didn't invest $$.

 The rest of the purchases were made by me :) The chocolate chai above is AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS and nearly all gone already - I'm not sure where to? Teehee. I'll be buying more from the real chai website and taking it to Avanti's bridesmaids luncheon, so she can compare it with her mum's recipe. OM NOM NOM.

When I'm feeling run down, I like to put manuka honey in stuff for extra energy. Juuuuust in case all the stuff they say about it's magical properties is true. NZ holds the patent for Manuka and we pay a fortune for it. Beechworth honey have made a manuka that can't be graded because it isn't a kiwi and is therefore less $$. It is tasty (in my chai AND on my pear with natural sheeps' milk yogurt) so I'm winning.

The very last thing I bought were these 2 packets of M n Ms, which made it from Saturday until Wednesday night unopened, but after a massive spin class last night, having trained chest and back earlier in the day, I deemed it appropriate to sample these wares. The coconut flavor tastes like imitation coconut essence, which is an imitation of tastiness. I'm in no hurry to finish these. The peanut butter ones on the other hand will not see the week out. Oh boy! I love peanut butter. I also love chocolate. Whenever these two meet, I die and go to heaven.

Here are some of the samples I collected - two new flavours of herbal tea to add to my extensive collection. They were cranberry and pomegranate as well as Raspberry, Strawberry and Loganberry. I've already had them. How CUTE is that almond tin? I squealed with delight when I saw it and the girls on the stall were kind enough to give it to me on the sly, along with information on what makes Australian Almonds the perfect recovery food. That was music to this little athlete's ears, I'll just at any excuse to eat nuts so I have had my almond tin packed full of almondy goodness and on my person ever since.

Noteworthy mentions from the day abound! I'm excited about the gorgeous range of gluten and dairy free cooking sauces and dressings from Ozganics, but not quite as much as the gluten and allergen free baking mixes from Well and Good! Their everything was DELICIOUS. Best quality gluten free baked goods I've sampled so far - very important in my family.

The most exciting thing, though, by a long way, was the arrival of Harney & Sons teas in Australia. I am a tea NUT. I have a HUGE tea collection. These teas are really the creme de la creme. They smell incredible, they taste divine and they come in tins so pretty you want to display them always and forever. I can't wait to start my new collection!

I hope you enjoyed my food post about the naughty side of Debzillah. I'll talk about healthy food next week, promise :) Xx

Plaguerism!

I know I had promised a food post today. It was supposed to be about the Good Food and Wine Show - I have pictures and everything! Then I was going to tell you about my weekly cooking adventures.

I have, however, run out of time and will have to delay that update until either Thursday or Friday.

I WAS at the Observatory for High Tea two weekends ago and my galpal and baker extraordinaire Swah has reviewed the experience over here. 

Birthday treats are the best kind <3

Mission to Motivate

I started this post on Thursday afternoon AS IT HAPPENED PEOPLE.

But as it happened, blogger failed and I wasn't able to repost it until NOW. Right before masterchef... How convenient?

Anyway, allow me to recap:
"This is awesome. I'm feeling headachy and chesty and run down, all of which is a bit crap, BUT I have come home, put my pjs on and jumped into bed with a cup of lemongrass and ginger tea. Its 230pm and I have laptop, tea and doona. I've never done this before. I can see this becoming my new bad habit.

I've just come home from my first talk at Mission Australia Surry Hills on behalf of Fit for Good. I feel really good about being able to share some stories and time with people seeking motivation and inspiration. They were lovely!

The talk was the 1st in a 4 part series, called Daring to Dream and it discusses what you need to build inside yourself to allow yourself to Dream, so self awareness and self worth, then moves on to cover goal setting techniques to start a successful journey"

Aaaaaand the rest of my post, which I had completed IN FULL got gobbled by the ether! *fist shake* I'll get over it, though and write it all again.

I'll be doing the 2nd talk, What it takes to win, on July 26th. The focus shifts from inception to delivery and how to deal with road blocks, obstacles and self doubt, using a positive attitude to turn them into opportunities for “adversarial growth”. The end result is to get the dream across the line.

I also spoke a fortnight ago at East Sydney High. I went in to give the kids a rev up speech and make sure they understood that life is going to go however they design it, so they better take their choices seriously and decide who they want to be. It was another extremely rewarding day and next term I'll be back to do a more in depth half day workshop with them on Strategies for Success Past School. Paid work, which is awesome...

On the subject of paid work, I've just launched a new business to encapsulate both Debzillah PT under Body and Breath, as well as my speaking work under Mindful Motivation: Inspirational Industries, with the motto Inspired, Ingenious and Infinite. The gorgeous Ingrid of Frankenmedia Design has secured the domains and will be starting work on my new website forthwith :) Huzzah!

Watch this space, Tuesday I'm talking about food and the good life!

A Lot on the Boil

I'm just home from my skills session with Coach Geoff Nash. There's a pot of organic vegetable, chicken and quinoa soup reheating on the stove as I write this.

It had been over 4 months since my last visit to the track at Heffron Park. That's where we headed for today's session. In our last session I finally conquered a skill that had held us back for quite some time - changing hand positions. I was elated last Tuesday. Finished feeling happy, accomplished and content. Today we tackled changing hand positions to change gears and when to do it. Today's session didn't end with a rush of enthusiasm for me though. Today I left feeling drained. I came off again.

It wasn't a bad stack, but it wounded my confidence. I was practicing a new skill in a new riding position in a relatively new environment and on a rough surface - yes. The stack, however, was avoidable. It shouldn't really have happened. I feel clumsy and awkward. Maladroite, but moreover: plain silly. I want to stop falling down while I move forward and just head in that direction without the annoying niggles. Boohoo, I hear you say, and I do know that these are first world problems of no real or significant consequence. I also know that no journey is without it's challenges. I'm breathing into this... but it's taking some doing today. I acknowledge my frustration. I have high expectations of myself and this disappointment I feel is of my own creation. I just miss last Tuesday's joy. Could be the dreary weather?

Anyway, it is truly great to be back in training again. I'm loving the fitness training, but have also found renewed vigor and passion for my strength training. I'm finally able to deadlift the olympic bar with my prosthesis in a controlled manner - I trained this on Friday and boy crikey - I still hurt! The hammys are STILL tight! I'm also lifting my personal bests in upper body strength right now which is awesome. I wonder if the fact that I've recently converted to carnivourism is much of a factor.

What does the rest of my training week look like? Well, Wednesday is a hard day, so I'll be doing upper body strength training as well as teaching spin (a hard cardio session) in the evening. Thursday I again teach spin in the evening, Friday I'll train legs/deadlift with Emily before I cover yet another spin, making this a hard day. Saturday I will run 8km with clients and friend and finally on Sunday I'll wind down with 40 minutes of cadence training on the wattbike out at Velofix Rozelle.

Speaking of Velofix, I have some class plans to tidy up and send off before I head out there to coach tonight's indoor training sessions. You should come and check it out! :)

Misadventures in Baking

May was an exceptionally rough month! In the second week, I got sick. After a week I recovered, only to fall ill again a week later. Boy oh boy was I ill. I had an evil, nasty virus that sapped me of all my energy and caused a host of infections that required 2 different kinds of antibiotics to take control of. Antibiotics, however, will only treat the infections. The virus is something that your body must combat on its own.

I hadn't been that kind of sick for many years. There's a large part of me that is somewhat indignant about it - "I'm so fit and active and healthy! I go to bed early, I don't eat junk and I exercise all the time!" But I also work a whole lot, try to keep a house, attempt to maintain a relationship with my significant other and family, as well as, very occasionally, my friends.. The honest truth is that I've been living my life at breakneck pace and have often wondered how long my body would tolerate it. Some changes are in order.

With my time off, I had a little project. I'm not very good at resting, but I did lay on my couch and watch dvds  or in bed reading a book for much of the time. My little project wasn't very taxing and didn't take very long. I wanted to make some healthy baked goods - full of nutrition, not sugar. Tuesday I attempted coconut cookies, replacing much of the butter with applesauce and using organic ingredients. I used too much baking soda and they turned out extremely bitter! Also, they were too fluffy, more like cake than cookie. I've always struggled with cookies. This was no exception.

I'm a pretty good cook! Risotto, curry, pasta dishes, frittata, polenta, fish, beans, anything vegetable, casseroles, stews and soups. I make mean salads and have some wicked healthy pizza recipes using either spelt bases or mountain bread. In dessert land, I can make a nice rice pudding.. Baking, however, has alluded me for the past decade because I'm always trying to reinvent the wheel. My friend Swah has a baking blog and she is an exceptional cook. "Baking is a science - follow the recipe to the letter!" she urges... I have had success with Brownies and when I was a kid I won a few cake competitions, but it's a different matter these days - I can't follow a recipe because I'm trying to INVENT.

Today I had a goal. A completely healthy, high protein, quality nutrition muffin. No added sugars or oils and all organic ingredients. I used unsweetened applesauce, soaked whole rolled oats, 2 eggs, apple, carrot, coconut, pumpkin seeds and lots of Cinnamon and allspice. I was a little stingy on the baking soda though, following the bitter cookie episode, and my muffins didn't rise. They are dense little rock cakes and they don't particularly taste of anything. They aren't distasteful, though, so that's a great improvement! I will work with this recipe again next week, with 1/4 tsp extra baking powder and baking soda and either some chopped dates or pineapple. Pineapple is in season and quite affordable at the moment, it also won't elevate blood sugar levels like the dates would AND contains enzymes that will help fully digest the protein from the eggs... So stay tuned!

Tomorrow will be my first day back at work and next week I will resume teaching my spin classes. I'm also taking on a new venture! Velofix Rozelle are opening a spin studio, where I will be coaching sessions on the Watt Bikes - a completely different style of spin class to those you experience and that I teach in a Fitness First environment. This is much more technical, practical and personal. I will spend most of my time off the bike, monitoring the class, instead of on it, entertaining them and yelling. I'm VERY excited about this! Classes for the first 2 weeks from Monday June 6th are free and you can book a bike on the website linked above.

I'm really happy to be finally heading back to the gym to see my clients. I miss them terribly! I love that I get to work with such great people :) I'll be able to pick my bike up from the shop tomorrow and get back into training - I'm hoping for a Sunday ride. Huzzah!

Difficult Decisions

Illness is no longer something I'm used to. I enjoy good health and focus on maintaining my wellbeing.

So right now, I'm very sick and very conflicted. I believe that the human body is amazing and our ability to heal, regenerate and grow is so often underestimated or even ignored in favour of "quick fixes" - like antibiotics. My income and livelihood, however, depend on my wellness every single day.

Today I see the doctor, who will prescribe antibiotics. Should I take them, I will subsequently rebuild my body with probiotics, coconut oil, vital greens and an immune tonic... But I could do all that right now, without putting western drugs in my body and causing it toxic strain, and build my immunity so that I don't get sick again for a long time. I risk taking longer to heal and losing more money in the short term, and that poses a very big problem.

I'm opening this one up for discussion!

Another Year Ticks Over

Tomorrow I turn 29. I'm excited! I needed to write this quick note before I go to bed.

I'll wake up alone and I'll be happy. Last year I chose to do the same, but on the day I was miserable. I was still finding my feet as a single woman in this world. As ME, with no boundaries and no emotional crutch. I'm in a very different space now. I can be alone and feel totally secure.

I look back at what I've achieved in the last year and I smile. 28 has been the best year of my life. I've grown so much as a person and my life is taking on the shape I want it to, going in the direction I really want it to. None of this is easy and it isn't yet a fait accompli, but this journey is one that I love and I can't wait to see what I have become by age 30.

I still don't have a handle on that whole balance thing, but I'm getting better at it. I'm definitely a lot less stressed than I was a year ago. In this past year, I have enjoyed the best health of my life. As my birthday approached, I have excitedly proclaimed to anyone who would listen "I've given myself the best present I can imagine! I'm the fittest and the healthiest I've ever been!" In true Debzillah style, I subsequently succumbed to the first coldy fluey thing I have had in over 6 months. You gotta laugh, right?

I'm also the most content within myself that I've ever been. Self acceptance had always seemed so foreign and challenging to me, but I'm now so close I can smell it on the air. I can't quite taste it, but I know it is near.

And on that note, GOODNIGHT and farewell 28!

On Weight Loss.

I'm pretty tired right now! It's a happy tiredness, though. It has been a big day. Well, a big week to be truthful.


I had clients from 7am, and then it was time to train ME. It was such a beautiful day in the park, where I rode with Mark Jessup and then met for a goal setting session with coach Geoff Nash. I then came home and sent out a long email to my clients.


I'd been wanting to write it for a long time, but I'm glad I waited. I just spent Friday through Sunday as a room host at FILEX, Australia's annual national health and fitness convention and expo. This exposed me to incredible workshops and amazing presenters. On Saturday, for instance, I was fortunate enough to score a seat at the PT Breakfast, hosted by Michelle Bridges. 

Mish covered a range of interesting subject matter, including how far we need to go as PTs to make sure our clients get results. Their head needs to be in the game to make sure they get there and my role in that is critical. The full transcript is here, but I told my version of what I understood to be essential.

Here's what I sent out:

1) You have to take responsibility. YOU choose what goes in your mouth. YOU pick up the fork. YOU decide whether you workout or sit on an expanding posterior. You don't have to eat the things your partner or kids eat and IN FACT you are a part of the circle of influence that shapes their choices and their futures. Lay your cards on the table and communicate your goals to them. It will likely bring you closer together and open a support network you didn't think you'd have access to. I can equal my commitment to you with what you commit to yourself. That said - you need to take ownership FOR YOURSELF FIRST. YOU decide what you will eat, how you will eat and when you will eat. Day to day, week to week - you are the common factor, You will NOT play the blame game. There are NO excuses. We are all busy and we are all stressed. We are NOT all overweight. Here is Mish's link.  Let's move on.

2) Science before psychology. Yes, there is negative self talk and an underlying emotional issue (unhappiness) that causes people to be susceptible to weight gain and obesity. Something went wrong upstairs and landed you in this place. It might not have been something very bad, it might have been. It definitely resulted in self sabotage and lowered self esteem, but please just trust that weight loss is a science. The mathematics of it are calories in must be at least 500 a day less than your calories out. If we can cut it more - we will. You CAN lose weight fast safely and without fear - as long as you acknowledge that there is a psychological issue to deal with once you lose the weight. WINNING AT LOSING, however, is so GOOD for your self esteem, your sense of achievement that you will love the journey that got you there. My job is to make sure you understand that fitness is forever - you need exercise to be emotionally AND physically healthy, always. You need good diet too - one step at a time. Strict while we get the ball rolling because you need to lose and see results for your positive reinforcement. Once you hit your magic numbers though, we start really focusing on balance - examining the things you love in life so that, in moderation, you can enjoy them without ending up where you started, or spiraling out of control. 

3) HAVE A PLAN. STICK TO IT. I'm your PT. I can guide you in the right direction. Keep you on track and motivate you. Give you a food diary and some nutrition guidelines - but you NEED a plan. KZap lost 36kg with me AND weightwatchers. She combined our advice and support. It is CRITICAL to identify your strategy. You have to know how many calories (or points) you're allowed and plan your meals and your shopping list around that total. If you want to have half a bottle of red wine on a Friday night and a choctop every Sunday night at the movies - OK - you factor them into your weekly calorie total, you work for them and you stick to the plan. If you need help with this - I am available. I can also come and pull the CRAP food out of your cupboards if absolutely necessary. I can do your first one on one meal planning and goal setting session for $50 (1 hour). It really doesn't take long. I do mine in excel and after a few weeks its a question of cut and paste. The shopping list becomes clockwork. Go to http://www.livestrong.com/myplate/ to find your total requirements and see calorie values. Build exercise into your routine, make it routine. Motivation isn't essential - getting the work DONE is essential. Not every workout will be amazing. You don't always get to leave feeling like you own the planet - but sometimes you will. And every workout contributes to getting you better, one step at a time, for now and for always <3.

4) Interestingly enough, research shows that a person's perceived ability is a better predictor of success than their actual ability - so for the love of the big G, think positively and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You in the past, for all your failures and shortcomings, have no prewritten destiny preventing you from making new choices and becoming exactly who you want to be. Choose differently. Start now. Be your own friend and see how helpful it is. The one thing they could find that all successful high achievers have in common? They focus on the GOOD. That's right - the glass has got to be half full and when you lose your wallet it's because you really needed to stop using that credit card anyway :) 

SURVIVING EASTER.

I thought some of you would appreciate a quick note on how to enjoy the Easter break without deprivation or derailing your efforts entirely. Here are some tips.

• If you are meeting up with friends for a social event, a big meal where you let yourself enjoy and have a few drinks, keep a day between this event and chocolate eating day. 
• Be SAINTLY around the planned/nominated meals and the chocolate eating. Have your meals planned as very light, low calorie, high nutrition.
• Be sure to do more exercise to earn these treats and balance them out!
• Modify your expectations accordingly. If you're having a blowout and eating some chocolates, you need to ramp up the exercise just to maintain. Don't expect to lose weight over Easter.

WE WILL SMASH IT HARD ALL MAY!!

Use this information to inspire you and invigorate you. Life might seem like a cycle of breakdowns, but if you use them wisely, they lead to the breakthroughs that get us where we need to go!

I ended my newsletter with this beautiful article on intimacy and food and I'm ending this blog post the same way :)

I hope you enjoyed it!

The Cost of Courageousness

Not so long ago now, a friend and colleague of mine joyfully confided in me that she had nominated me for a fitness organisation's inspiration award and that management were very excited about my story. It looked like it was in the bag.

After a few weeks of unusually distant behavior of this friend of mine, yesterday I decided it was time to get to the bottom of what was going on.

It so turns out that management of the organisation running the award had located the youtube video of me winning the pole dancing competition in 2009, in which I remove my bra. They were mortified and chastised my colleague for having nominated me without having done sufficient research into my character. They deemed me inappropriate and insisted upon having no association with me whatsoever.

At first I was devastated. I shouldn't be. Technically I'm not even supposed to know I was nominated... I am just so shocked and disappointed that such harsh character judgements are still routinely made.

What this organisation doesn't realise is that the pole dancing competition taught me what it was to WIN. That hard work, dedication, focus and bravery actually work. That my goals are achievable and my methods of succeeding sound. I am a one-armed woman who performed and competed in a sport that is associated with showing a lot of leg and sometimes bit of boob too. It's an aesthetic discipline - much like ballet or gymnastics. Pole dancing empowered me. It allowed me to embrace my femininity and this specific competition gave me the forum in which I could express that, despite my disability, I was not only a talented dancer, but a sensual creature. The experience was the single greatest confidence builder of my life to that point.

I refuse to succumb to the inference that it is something of which I should feel ashamed. I'm not too fond of the fact that my performance is pasted over the internet on umpteen different amputee fetish sites, because I myself find this to be unsavoury - but I don't judge these people even if they make me feel uneasy. When I feel uneasy, I can explore why and achieve personal growth (or at least learn something) OR I can distance myself from it. If you have a problem with pole dancing, don't do it and don't watch it. Don't seek it out. Vilifying those who do, on the other hand, is simply closed minded and entirely unnecessary.

I'm angry. I always knew that my bravest choices came at a price, but I hoped that as this is the year 2011, people would have started thinking more progressively. That respect for the choices of other adults, as our equals on this Earth, would equate to an understanding of their right to those choices, even if we don't agree with them.

The person I am today exists because of the breadth and depth of my life experience.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Rolling with the Punches

This week's theme appears to be: expect the unexpected.

After a rampant string of cancellations Monday, I received a call asking that I cover a 5:15pm spin class. It so turned out that I had the time available to do exactly that! It was SO MUCH FUN. So I ended my Monday floating above cloud 9 and looking forward to my Tuesday, which was to involve an outdoor session, some riding with Mick, yoga with my sis Bec and catchups with Missy before I retreated to do my admin in the evening time...

As I waited for Mick to arrive in Musgrave Ave Centennial Park, I called my mum to make plans for the weekend and discussed with her at length what a beautiful day it was, especially the incredible colour of the sky. Like the Cote D'Azur. Then it was riding time. I couldn't wait! I decided to try a few new things today. Firstly, the disconnect system for my prosthesis and secondly, some changes to the route. We turned off onto one of the intersecting paths in the park and everything seemed to be going well... Until I had a bit of steering fail and bumped Mick's rear wheel, which knocked me off and nearly took him out as well. All OK though. My head hurt a bit from where my helmet connected with the road and there was some skin off my right ankle, but 5 mins later and I was back in action.

What sweet action it was! I was chatting happily and had a sudden burst of energy, a moment where something clicked and everything felt right. I started pedaling fast, working on riding confidently at higher speeds. For a few minutes, it felt amazing. Then my left foot came away from the pedal. I'm still in sneakers, not cleats. Being a N00b, I panicked and squeezed the brake too hard. I flipped over the handle bars and took a massive tumble... and then the bike landed on me. I was winded. I could neither breathe nor move for what seemed like eternity. A crowd gathered. I came to my senses and realised I was in the middle of the road, so I tried to move, muttering about not wanting to hold up traffic. I was helped to the side of the road, jelly like. I tried to sit on the post/bench, but I was dizzy, floppy, faint and my ears were ringing. I slipped down into the soft, cool leaf litter and lay there for a while. Eventually I was well enough to laugh, then sit, and then to walk the bikes back to the car with Mick. The people who helped were lovely and caring, a little bewildered by my laughter. "How could I be unhappy on a gorgeous day like this?" I had a feed at the suv, cancelled all my plans and instead went to soak in the ocean with Katie. I'd never been to the Coogee pool before. Not the worst place to be on a day like this...

I've been checked over by the doctor and my list of injuries is minor. From the most spectacular crash yet I have the following ailments (preserved here for posterity):

• Left breast wounded by Prosthesis
• Pulled muscles in front of neck and left soleus
• 2 grazed and very swollen knees, the left with a big fat egg.
• A crushed, bruised and blood blistered pinky with a gash on the finger next to that (the quick has been torn out).

I'm now pretty tired and grumpy, feeling very unproductive and BLOBBY. I'm unhappy that tomorrow has to be an unplanned rest day, I need to get all the inflammation down in time to teach cycle on Thursday and Friday. I want these classes to be HARD! I also want my fingers to stop throbbing.

Anyway, it has been a big week. The new issue of Take 5 comes out tomorrow and my moment of cheesilicious fame comes to an end. I've now taught 2 spin classes (and need to make a new setlist EEK). I've secured sponsorship for physio and massage with Elevate Performance, had further talks about my role as Ambassador with TAD NSW - who will be giving me my very own run around bike in the next few weeks, so I can give Jayme's back. I also presented my talk, The Story of Debzillah the Rubber Bum, to a lovely group of employees from a Sydney based law firm. It was well received - and recorded, hurrah! The biggest win for me, though, was the two 10km bike rides I completed with Mick and Llinos - both without incident. Despite the stacks, I'm making great progress as a rider and I'm aiming to be able to ride to the amputee morning tea at POW Hospital on March 31st. I've got to get a handle on this road riding business.

I'm totally aware that my feelings of frustration and perceptions of stagnant energy are completely irrational. If they would kindly go away, I'd be most appreciative.

The Magic of the Moment

I can't believe we are two full months into 2011 already! I'll admit to being quietly content though - because in this short time, so much has been accomplished.

It has already been 2 months and 1 day since I started training towards my paralympic dream, with my bike in my possession. I have learned to use my new prosthesis and ride the bike - but this does need considerably more work and application. It's still really exciting for me to be able to say "I can ride a bike!" and, when I'm not stacking it, I love it. At the moment, though, I'm stacking it a lot - and spectacularly. I have more bruises and cuts than when I was pole dancing! Not to mention a nasty big scab on my elbow...

This moment in my life is magical for so, so many reasons. I love what I am living. I have to pinch myself often!

One of these is the Finishing First Group Fitness Instructor program. The course is so, so good - I'm already a cycle instructor, but I wanted extra development before stepping up to take classes. I want to be on the stage knowing that I'm delivering a quality product to the best of my ability from day 1. Obviously there will still be a learning curve, but with good coaching it won't be as steep. The course facilitators are incredible and so are the other students - highly talented individuals, all of us equally passionate about being exceptional group fitness instructors, hungry for success. Then there's the relationship I have with my mentor, Skye, who I team teach with. She is nurturing me, building me, feeding me the tools and information from her knowledge and experience to give me the best possible chances of success. I'm learning so much from her as a coach, a mentor and as a human being. What I worried might test a friendship is actually building into an even more robust and meaningful one. So my outdoor cycle training is taking a little bit of a back seat while I focus on becoming a first rate teacher, but my cycle fitness will surely be growing because I'm on the bike rehearsing my tracks every day.

Another is my relationship with Eddie. We share so many wonderful experiences so often and he looks after me so well. Best of all he is completely non-demanding and understanding of the fact that I am stretched in so many different directions, there isn't always a lot of me left for him. He just does whatever he can to make my stressful times easier and lighten my load, as well as offer a supportive ear and shoulder when needed (which is way more often that I'm proud to admit).

This weekend we celebrated our first anniversary. I was lead, blindfolded, through the city to a beautiful suite on level 34 of the Shangri-La in the city. We then had a spa and massage in the Chi Day Spa and the degustation with matched wines in Altitude restaurant. It was an incredible evening - and all a surprise to me! I also got a pair of Thomas Sabo earrings to accompany the necklace I got for xmas. What a sweetheart, right?

I love what my life involves right now. I love my clients, helping people, cycling, instructing, training, living, learning and loving. Whilst finance and cash flow are particularly problematic right now, I'm hopeful that the upcoming articles in Take5 magazine (March 2) and Body + Soul (March 27) will help me to secure sponsorship, drum up some new business and generate some fresh speaking engagements.

Fortnightly updates might help me make this less of an essay, then someone might actually read this, hehehehe.

Till next time! Xx Dz

Looking Forward 2011

This Monday I did my last, sad, little jog on the treadmill. It was, in fact, my first run in weeks. I've now, for the time being, retired from running. Why? Because, as Clint so succinctly put it: "cyclists don't run".

Which brings me to my first point of what 2011 has in store for me.

Becoming Debzillah: the competitive cyclist.
I have my beautiful race bike, my coach and my prosthesis. I have been adjusting to using the prosthesis, doing base building cadence and heart rate training in my loungeroom - where on the 2nd day of 2011 I had quite a serious spill. I hadn't secured my bike into the stationary trainer properly and was 6 minutes into my workout when the whole thing came crashing down like a house of cards. After checking that the bike was not damaged and disconnecting from my prosthesis, I lifted the bike to be greeted by my pink patella! My prosthesis had opened up my knee and my knee cap was staring back at me. I got 5 stitches - my first ever for a cut! I've since lost 3 stitches and the cut is healing open, but it doesn't hurt and isn't interfering with my training. I'll have a nasty scar - but it's on my knee, so who really cares?

The amazing team @Fox in Alexandria fixed the elbow in my prosthesis last Thursday and for the past week I've been on a fairly serious mission to learn to ride. Thursday afternoon was torture for my coach, holding onto the back of the bike while I tried to pedal, running back and forth. He researched a better way and came up with this little gem which saved both his back and his sanity. By Tuesday evening, I'm at the stage where I can coast down the hill with my feet on the pedals at a fair clip. The dismount, however, is proving problematic and my shins are scraped and bruised.

It's an amazing journey and one I'm enjoying immensely. Something most children do I am doing as an adult, complete with tumbles over the handlebars. Grass is soft and I am fearless and I feel so privileged to be going through this! There's a deadline, though. Classification day is Saturday, February 5th at 9:30am. Nothing like a little pressure to set you on fire :)

I'm also on the path to becoming a freestyle cycle instructor. My mate Skye has agreed to mentor me while I complete the Finishing First preparation program. This is challenging too, but will be so rewarding! I've been up on stage twice with Skye and will be there again tomorrow, and every Thursday and Sunday until I complete the program on March 18. Hopefully I'll get a class of my very own not long after.

So I have some pretty clear goals in that arena, to become a cyclist and group fitness instructor. It gets a bit more complex, in that I want a great sporting year and to stay injury free. It means taking a much saner approach to my training and I pay a great deal of attention to my nutrition and supplementation, too. I want to look my best, feel my best and perform at my best. Not just when I'm competing, but every single day. Yoga and more down time (as well as recovery strategies) play a big role in that. I didn't get a lot of down time in 2010 and it impacted me tremendously. I have to keep a handle on my workaholism and do a little more sitting down.

I've cleaned out the bookshelves and the wardrobe: thrown out loads of papers and sold my once loved treasures on ebay. I'm determined to make efficient use of both my time and space to allow myself to enjoy life more.

I've got goals around my PT business and building my speaking career, too, but I won't bore you with the business talk.

Taking my lessons in acceptance from 2010 and building on them through 2011 will make this an even better, bigger and more amazing year than the one it promises to be.

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE AND LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!!!

And I'm breathing that in :)

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Looking Both Ways - 2010.

It is with fondness and a strong sense of accomplishment that I bid farewell to 2010. It was an amazing year for me that passed in the blink of an eye. It has brought amazing people to me and my life has been enriched in countless ways.

The first quarter of the year was devoted to learning how to operate my business and become Debzillah the PT, as well as getting my mileage up as a distance runner. It was also about establishing myself as Debzillah the single woman and learning to live as my own will dictates. I experienced the frustration of injury and tackled my frustrations head on. I've dealt with them much better this year than ever before. Through yoga and self awareness, I'm able to challenge my instinctive mental inflexibility and practice patience. I have developed a much stronger sense of curiosity when dealing with myself, my actions and my emotions, so I exercise much less self criticism, judgement and negative self talk. I also learned that expressing gratitude as often as possible, especially in the face of adversity, is so very rewarding and fulfilling. It feels a whole lot better than dwelling on the negative and indulging in self pity and despair.

February 25th I was in a burlesque show with my sister, which was a lot of hard work and a lot of fun. This is the night I met Eddie.

At Easter I went to SWEAT Sydney's running camp in Jindabyne with Mark Chandler and we met so many lovely, inspirational and talented people, like Milov, Nathan, Nikki and Pip. As Mark and I summited Kosciusko, I temporarily released myself of fear and self doubt, embraced the joy I take in being in my body and admitted that I desperately long to inspire people on a big scale: that I want to be a motivational speaker. Just as I had found the requisite courage and hope to change my life in 2009 and leave telecommunications to work in health and fitness, I found the requisite strength and courage to build on the dream that I was realising.

I haven't stopped since. I am building, layer upon layer, the life that is genuinely representative of all my hopes and dreams. Despite injuries in March, May and again in June, I completed a sub 2 hour half marathon with a severe upper respiratory tract infection. In May I also moved out into my dream flat, on my own for the first time in my life, in my ideal location. I then bid farewell to the green hair I had so cherished as one of my defining traits for over a decade. I decided to experiment with being approachable, warm and open. What good things that brought!

Not long afterwards, I met Geoff. He saw the potential in me to be a motivational speaker and positive role model. He also set me on the quest to obtain my first prosthesis and learn to ride a bike - my idea being to participate in triathlons... On my quest, however, Richard from APC Prosthetics put me in touch with the paralympic talent search team and on September 12th I participated in a talent search day. 2 weeks later I gave my first motivational keynote speech, shortly after which I received my letter from the Paralympic Committee encouraging me to train in both athletics and cycling... I love endurance, though, so I elected to focus my energy and efforts on becoming a cyclist.

I spent October away on the trip of a lifetime, trekking through Nepal and visiting Everest Base Camp. I made amazing friends, like Jim, on this journey as well as seeing so many beautiful things. I journalled every day I was away and grew so strong - mentally, emotionally and physically. As I had left Sydney, things were reaching fever pitch and this resumed immediately upon my return.

 It was not much more than a week after my return to Sydney that I received an email from the Paralympic Committee advising me that I should mark an important set of dates in my calendar for classification - the track nationals February 3-6 2011. I still had no bike or arm, but I was resolute and not lacking in conviction. I knew I had to raise 10k to get my bike and kit - the problem was I had to do it quickly. I appealed to the people around me, using the internet and forming a relationship with TAD and this was truly the experience of a lifetime.

Feeling a net of support form beneath me, extending such good will and generous donations, my goal was achieved. By the good nature of the people I have contact with, I was able to collect my beautiful racing bike and all the trimmings and kit anyone could ever dream of on Christmas eve. (Thanks again Mark and all the team at Clarence St Cyclery!)

It all worked out and through funding from Centrelink, I got my prosthesis, too. I was able to start training on my stationary trainer in my loungeroom on boxing day and spend the last precious days of my incredible 2010 by building the base of who I will be in 2011. Debzillah the cyclist.

The reading highlights of the year were the Millenium Trilogy and Lance Armstrong's "Its Not About the Bike". That book there has really helped set me in the right frame of mind for things to come.

This is the first of 2 installments. I've looked into my past and next I will write about my plans for the future. I've written this more for me than anyone else, but if you've read this far, I hope you got something out of it :)