The Foibles of Frustration

Having one arm, whilst not a living nightmare or anything of the sort, comes with a whole lot of frustration.

Washing cutlery, carrying multiple items of any description, plaiting hair, tying corsets, cutting vegetables, bike riding, opening jars - the list of daily tasks that bear the burden of causing frustration because I find them so inherently difficult is quite long.

I'm quite independent, and I do as much as I can for myself as often as I can, but I do tire of it and most certainly appreciate when others offer assistance. I, personally, am always reluctant to request assist because I don't want to bother others with any of the annoyance or frustration that is part of my experience.

I usually do an OK job of not letting it get to me, of just getting on with it, of accomplishing bigger and better things to ensure that the small annoyances are kept in perspective....

There are a few things I do struggle with, however, and I happen to feel like like sharing them.

I never wanted an artificial arm growing up.

I was never made aware, at any time, that there might be a cut off date for my decision. That I might not be able to get a useful artificial limb once I turned a certain age. I only discovered that when I looked into my options 18 months ago, seeking any possible improvements to my quality of life and any possible reduction to my frustration level. What I learned was that the government would not provide funding for me to be equipped with any sort of bionic limb as I was over 15 years old and apparently unlikely to get any beneficial use from it.

No health professional assessed my unilateral condition and prescribed exercises to balance my physique, nor did they suggest that lever length and weight bearing activity on my left hand side would be necessary to stimulate muscular development or bone growth. These are conclusions I've come to myself, now that I'm an adult and qualified health professional.

I need that blasted artificial limb and the plastic, immovable barbie arm will not cut it. I need something to balance me out, something of comparable weight to a real arm. Something that can GRASP, so that I can lift weights, or hold stuff to open lids or chop vegetables or carry things.

Constantly lifting with my right hand side, conducting frequent weight bearing activity, always through one single side of my body - its not good! I'm prone to frequent injuries caused by strain and overuse, my pelvis is unstable which impacts my knees when I run, my abs develop asymmetrically because of core compensation - if I were to list all the physical consequences we would be here until xmas 2010! 

The point of the story is, it took me a good while to swallow my pride and admit that I needed something more than what nature has granted me. In addition to my daily frustrations, it is further frustrating that if I am to procure a functional bionic limb, it would be to the value of a very large deposit on a very nice house in a lovely Sydney suburb from my own pocket, because no one bothered to tell me anything about anything as I was growing up this way.

I could throttle the general practice where I grew up. My parents were never offered any form of advice, consultation or referral on appropriate management of the development of limb deficient children. It came as a complete shock to everyone when the bone in my short left arm grew through the skin, creating infection, causing me tremendous pain and requiring surgery. In reality, it could easily have been predicted if I had effective management. I have no phalanges on the left hand side. Without creases in my elbow or knuckles on that side of my body, there was no way the skin could stretch to keep up with my bony growth spurt.

I don't want to moan, though. What I do want is to run. To ride. To climb. To lift. To lengthen my left trapezius and strengthen my latissimus dorsi. I need a functional lever in order to achieve these things and now I'm faced with the frustrations of not knowing where to turn and not being able to throw money at a solution.

I hope to find a solution to this pickle by the conclusion of 2010!

Thanks for reading :)

Yule and Yippee!

Boxing day is upon us and we're wrapping up from xmas 2009 - my best xmas yet!

Not because of gifts (though they were excellent and plentiful!), but because of the amount of joy happiness contained within one day.

I woke at 620am and quickly dressed. 30 short minutes later I embarked on an 8km run to my sister's house in Concord for xmas breakfast. It wasn't a great run, my body complained loudly, but I ran at my own lazy pace and enjoyed listening to a podcast, which I hadn't done in some time. It was the gift I wanted to give myself - the gift of a run listening to my body. I arrived at the same time as mum and Hayden, which was excellent and got all the presents inside. My sister laid on a delicious breakfast feast with all sorts of delicious xmas naughtiness, everything from traditional xmas slice and fruitcake to smoked chicken and cranberry sauce and mango lychee salad with gippsland yoghurt. I played with Angus, my nephew, for a long time, running around in the garden, hopping jumping squealing and skipping. Then at 10:30 it was time to come home.

I had a run sheet listing in detail all the things that needed to be prepared for our xmas party and Mum and Hayden were just exceptional at assisting in executing every preparatory step. Hayden had spent days in advance preparing the house and setting up, we had glazed the ham and made the stuffing and custard the night before, so on xmas day we just focused on preparing each dish in order at set times. It was all amazingly stress free.

Frank brought 4 dozen oysters and a kilo of the nicest prawns I've ever eaten, Claudia and Chandler brought white wines and a selection of hard cheeses, Lauren brought red wines and a selection of soft cheeses and Vanessa brought a smoked salmon and cream pastry for entree. Hayden and mum had prepared boccinci basil and kumato skewers, as well.

My menu of mains included all manner of roast vegetables in fresh rosemary and sea salt, steamed broccolini with toasted almonds, parmesan pear and rocket salad, blacked and ginger glazed ham and, of course, the turkey, which contained a mango and macadamia stuffing.

We were all completely stuffed but everything was so delicious! I served my famous and popular mango trifle for dessert. This was accompanied by duelling dessert wines - my lillypilly and Chandler's De Bortoli. No one had room for coffee, brandy snaps or even a shot of limoncello. My stomach screamed in agony and I knew I had pushed too far! So painful, moaning from being overstuffed - I had to change my dress!! I'm not proud to admit I crossed the line and ate far too much for my little tum to handle and committed in massive overindulgence. It felt really bad and I don't ever want to do it again! 

The cleanup was even easier. Everyone pitched in and 98% of the washing up was done and put away before our final guests left at 1130pm!

Today, however, I feel a bit like I've been hit by a truck. All I'm capable of is sitting here in my dressing gown. I have loads of admin and research to do though, and its not often that I get the opportunity to spend a day either on my bottom nor at home. Building up my business is consuming about 65 hours of my week, all of which are spent without net access. Next week, however, is looking particularly quiet, so I'm hoping to finalise details and prizes for the Debzillah 12 week challenge! But more on that later :)

Here, have a few photos.

 

  

 

Time to watch a movie and finish reading Born to Run :)

Merry Christmas Tigers! Xx