Not so long ago now, a friend and colleague of mine joyfully confided in me that she had nominated me for a fitness organisation's inspiration award and that management were very excited about my story. It looked like it was in the bag.
After a few weeks of unusually distant behavior of this friend of mine, yesterday I decided it was time to get to the bottom of what was going on.
It so turns out that management of the organisation running the award had located the youtube video of me winning the pole dancing competition in 2009, in which I remove my bra. They were mortified and chastised my colleague for having nominated me without having done sufficient research into my character. They deemed me inappropriate and insisted upon having no association with me whatsoever.
At first I was devastated. I shouldn't be. Technically I'm not even supposed to know I was nominated... I am just so shocked and disappointed that such harsh character judgements are still routinely made.
What this organisation doesn't realise is that the pole dancing competition taught me what it was to WIN. That hard work, dedication, focus and bravery actually work. That my goals are achievable and my methods of succeeding sound. I am a one-armed woman who performed and competed in a sport that is associated with showing a lot of leg and sometimes bit of boob too. It's an aesthetic discipline - much like ballet or gymnastics. Pole dancing empowered me. It allowed me to embrace my femininity and this specific competition gave me the forum in which I could express that, despite my disability, I was not only a talented dancer, but a sensual creature. The experience was the single greatest confidence builder of my life to that point.
I refuse to succumb to the inference that it is something of which I should feel ashamed. I'm not too fond of the fact that my performance is pasted over the internet on umpteen different amputee fetish sites, because I myself find this to be unsavoury - but I don't judge these people even if they make me feel uneasy. When I feel uneasy, I can explore why and achieve personal growth (or at least learn something) OR I can distance myself from it. If you have a problem with pole dancing, don't do it and don't watch it. Don't seek it out. Vilifying those who do, on the other hand, is simply closed minded and entirely unnecessary.
I'm angry. I always knew that my bravest choices came at a price, but I hoped that as this is the year 2011, people would have started thinking more progressively. That respect for the choices of other adults, as our equals on this Earth, would equate to an understanding of their right to those choices, even if we don't agree with them.
The person I am today exists because of the breadth and depth of my life experience.
I wouldn't change a thing.
After a few weeks of unusually distant behavior of this friend of mine, yesterday I decided it was time to get to the bottom of what was going on.
It so turns out that management of the organisation running the award had located the youtube video of me winning the pole dancing competition in 2009, in which I remove my bra. They were mortified and chastised my colleague for having nominated me without having done sufficient research into my character. They deemed me inappropriate and insisted upon having no association with me whatsoever.
At first I was devastated. I shouldn't be. Technically I'm not even supposed to know I was nominated... I am just so shocked and disappointed that such harsh character judgements are still routinely made.
What this organisation doesn't realise is that the pole dancing competition taught me what it was to WIN. That hard work, dedication, focus and bravery actually work. That my goals are achievable and my methods of succeeding sound. I am a one-armed woman who performed and competed in a sport that is associated with showing a lot of leg and sometimes bit of boob too. It's an aesthetic discipline - much like ballet or gymnastics. Pole dancing empowered me. It allowed me to embrace my femininity and this specific competition gave me the forum in which I could express that, despite my disability, I was not only a talented dancer, but a sensual creature. The experience was the single greatest confidence builder of my life to that point.
I refuse to succumb to the inference that it is something of which I should feel ashamed. I'm not too fond of the fact that my performance is pasted over the internet on umpteen different amputee fetish sites, because I myself find this to be unsavoury - but I don't judge these people even if they make me feel uneasy. When I feel uneasy, I can explore why and achieve personal growth (or at least learn something) OR I can distance myself from it. If you have a problem with pole dancing, don't do it and don't watch it. Don't seek it out. Vilifying those who do, on the other hand, is simply closed minded and entirely unnecessary.
I'm angry. I always knew that my bravest choices came at a price, but I hoped that as this is the year 2011, people would have started thinking more progressively. That respect for the choices of other adults, as our equals on this Earth, would equate to an understanding of their right to those choices, even if we don't agree with them.
The person I am today exists because of the breadth and depth of my life experience.
I wouldn't change a thing.
That is a pretty bogus outcome, you trained very hard, found the courage to compete on stage in front of strangers and won for a great routine. Your face afterwards when you won was amazing! It sucks that it's on the internet though and also linked to your name. It looks like the prejudice and close mindedness of others says more about their character than what they think of you for doing the comp.
ReplyDeletedear deb, at first i am very expressed from you. but at second i am sad and angry about what happened). apologize my poor english - i am german. it shows one more time, that you are only accepted, only when you do, what they think a disabled person is allowed to do :-). I say it open , i am an admirer but i do now a work its giong against mainstream, called beautyandcoragem, i and some handicapped women in brazil try to find our own way independent and open to all to present themselves. in own responsibility and judgement from others. go your way, dont let you stop. you are right ! success for you gerhard www.beautyandcoragem.com
ReplyDeleteThis is so devastating Deb. I am so tired of discrimination against people on the basis of their sensual expression and sexual confidence. We need more women with a disability on our pole stages, not less! It is a crucial part of addressing stereotypes and embracing inclusivity in terms of who is represented on the erotic stage... Have you checked out the Go Topless campaigns in the US? They are a protest for the way that women's nipples are treated differently to men's nipples in public. Clearly we need one in Sydney! I'm so sorry this happened to you xxx
ReplyDeleteThat is so awful... I know you wouldn't want to release the name of the fitness organisation, but I wish I could get in contact with them to let them know just how pathetic, outdated and discriminatory their behaviour is. Rest assured you are an inspiration to many xox
ReplyDeleteSome people invite disabled candidates for awards, but not to honor the candidates but to - themselves - look better. In order to achieve that, the ideal award candidate has to exhibit a presentable disability (not all disabilities are presentable) and will have to look back on a life well within the limits of a narrow bourgeois value system. One that has people with disabilities at the very bottom of social hierarchy, where they nod and smile, always passively and naively. Such are the constraints. GOOD they didn't take you, and, secondly, GOOD that and exactly that was the reason why they did not accept you. I feel proud to know there are other amputees that really care about empowerment and work hard to get there. KEEP GOING and GO HARDER! Well done, very well done. Society is great and has a lot of options, and every now and so often our freedoms increase - yet, at the same time, society has been wrong before, and will be wrong again. These people do deserve to have their chance to fail and to get it wrong, to show how embarrassingly narrow minded they are, and also, to express THEIR view as alienating as it may be. Better to know these things openly and honestly, a fitness organisation that still employs disability stereotypes from 1910, than to be unclear about that. Of course we need the name of that organisation, obviously that piece would be relevant so we could all go "ah, so, hm".
ReplyDelete