The Foibles of Frustration

Having one arm, whilst not a living nightmare or anything of the sort, comes with a whole lot of frustration.

Washing cutlery, carrying multiple items of any description, plaiting hair, tying corsets, cutting vegetables, bike riding, opening jars - the list of daily tasks that bear the burden of causing frustration because I find them so inherently difficult is quite long.

I'm quite independent, and I do as much as I can for myself as often as I can, but I do tire of it and most certainly appreciate when others offer assistance. I, personally, am always reluctant to request assist because I don't want to bother others with any of the annoyance or frustration that is part of my experience.

I usually do an OK job of not letting it get to me, of just getting on with it, of accomplishing bigger and better things to ensure that the small annoyances are kept in perspective....

There are a few things I do struggle with, however, and I happen to feel like like sharing them.

I never wanted an artificial arm growing up.

I was never made aware, at any time, that there might be a cut off date for my decision. That I might not be able to get a useful artificial limb once I turned a certain age. I only discovered that when I looked into my options 18 months ago, seeking any possible improvements to my quality of life and any possible reduction to my frustration level. What I learned was that the government would not provide funding for me to be equipped with any sort of bionic limb as I was over 15 years old and apparently unlikely to get any beneficial use from it.

No health professional assessed my unilateral condition and prescribed exercises to balance my physique, nor did they suggest that lever length and weight bearing activity on my left hand side would be necessary to stimulate muscular development or bone growth. These are conclusions I've come to myself, now that I'm an adult and qualified health professional.

I need that blasted artificial limb and the plastic, immovable barbie arm will not cut it. I need something to balance me out, something of comparable weight to a real arm. Something that can GRASP, so that I can lift weights, or hold stuff to open lids or chop vegetables or carry things.

Constantly lifting with my right hand side, conducting frequent weight bearing activity, always through one single side of my body - its not good! I'm prone to frequent injuries caused by strain and overuse, my pelvis is unstable which impacts my knees when I run, my abs develop asymmetrically because of core compensation - if I were to list all the physical consequences we would be here until xmas 2010! 

The point of the story is, it took me a good while to swallow my pride and admit that I needed something more than what nature has granted me. In addition to my daily frustrations, it is further frustrating that if I am to procure a functional bionic limb, it would be to the value of a very large deposit on a very nice house in a lovely Sydney suburb from my own pocket, because no one bothered to tell me anything about anything as I was growing up this way.

I could throttle the general practice where I grew up. My parents were never offered any form of advice, consultation or referral on appropriate management of the development of limb deficient children. It came as a complete shock to everyone when the bone in my short left arm grew through the skin, creating infection, causing me tremendous pain and requiring surgery. In reality, it could easily have been predicted if I had effective management. I have no phalanges on the left hand side. Without creases in my elbow or knuckles on that side of my body, there was no way the skin could stretch to keep up with my bony growth spurt.

I don't want to moan, though. What I do want is to run. To ride. To climb. To lift. To lengthen my left trapezius and strengthen my latissimus dorsi. I need a functional lever in order to achieve these things and now I'm faced with the frustrations of not knowing where to turn and not being able to throw money at a solution.

I hope to find a solution to this pickle by the conclusion of 2010!

Thanks for reading :)