This week I also met with 2 providers of prosthetic limbs and selected who I am going to proceed with, as they have contacts within the AIS and paralympics.
The first meeting I had on Tuesday left me feeling quite despondent, though of course I never allowed that to show through my determination face. The reality, though, is that upper limb amputations make up only a very small percentage - something like 5% - of all amputees and only a very small percentage of those upper limb amputees are above the elbow. Due to us making up a small minority group, there is no money or market to have stimulated the research, development and production of load bearing, motorised elbow joints. Simply learning this fact left me feeling insignificant and very isolated. Although I learnt that I could acquire tools to assist me in riding a bike, holding a dumbell/barbell and even balance me while I run, my hopes of attempting two-handed push ups and handstands were effectively crushed.
That didn't feel very good. What compounded my sadness and frustrations was that I had no access to speak with anyone like me who would really understand what I was feeling. As a one armed girl in a two armed world, the more I spoke to my friends about it, the more frustrated I became by the fact that they couldn't really get it because they didn't know what disability meant. At the same time, my understanding of what being disabled really means and how it can feel grew tremendously. As my limb deficiency is part of who I am and part of my experience, it would serve me well to become more comfortable with handling these emotions instead of rejecting them in defiance. I'm an adult now and the time has really come for me to embrace and accept the whole package. It is, however, quite a difficult and daunting journey to be embarking on alone. The road is very interesting, but I have no shoulder to cry on when I hit speed bumps. Whilst I'm enjoying the freedom and flexibility of single life, it is difficult facing these challenges alone and a bit sad not to have anyone beside me with whom to share my journey. On the other hand, when I come through the other side, I will really own my success and the pride that will accompany it for having done it alone. I try to hold onto that thought.
Friday was a big turnaround day, though! First I met with the Amputee Association of NSW and hope to develop a relationship with them that is long lasting and super strong. There is great promise for a mutually rewarding and beneficial future delivering improvements to the amputee community at large. Someone just needs to bring them all together... It was at this meeting that I was shown a picture in a magazine of an athlete using a sea leg with an elbow joint as an arm to ride a bike! Such a resourceful and understanding bunch of people at this association... And it was armed with these new resources and information that I then went and met with APC.
Subsequent to this informative meeting, I elected to continue my journey with APC. Firstly, we are going to get everything sorted to enable me to ride a bike, weight train and run balanced. Stage 2 will look at using the power knee joint to make an adapted elbow for load bearing activity.. But that one is a mission of a couple of hundred thousand dollars and not in my immediate future. The meeting was very positive and filled me with hope and marveling at the possibilities of how my future will unfold. I left smiling. It was exactly what I needed.
What does the immediate future hold for me?'
- I'll need to get a script raised for the prosthesis and see how much funding the government will supply.
- The gap will need to be sorted out through fundraising activities of an EPIC nature! More on that when I have the quotes and dollar figures.
- I need to research Amputee Athletes within the AIS and Paralympics to see how I can get on that path.
- I need to write my story... *gulp* This needs to be done post haste as I appear to have my first speaking gig the first week of September.
And in other marvellous news, I have recovered from my injury and was able to run this weekend! Watch out bay runners and city2surfers!
Til next time! Xx
